The decision to undergo a C-section was a straightforward one for me because my primary concern was ensuring the well-being of my babies. Up until our 33-week ultrasound, everything seemed to be progressing smoothly. However, during that ultrasound, we learned that Baby A had ceased to grow, which was attributed to Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR). It was then determined that a C-section would be performed as soon as Baby B reached a relatively decent weight of 2 kilograms at birth, ensuring at least one of them had a good chance of survival.
The period between 32 weeks and 35 weeks, when the C-section was finally scheduled, was an incredibly challenging and emotional time for me. I found myself constantly second-guessing every choice, from what I ate to every step I took, all with the sole purpose of ensuring that I did nothing to harm my precious babies.
The moment arrived when the medical team delivered Baby A, who didn’t immediately cry, causing us some concern. However, when they extracted Baby B, both babies began to cry, and their cries were like sweet music to our ears. On the 11th of April 2020, at precisely 11:44 AM, my two bundles of joy entered the world. Baby A, my son, weighed 1.7 kilograms, while Baby B, my daughter, weighed 2.1 kilograms. They were tiny but their cries reassured us, and we knew that everything would be alright.
Following the birth, I was sutured up, and I returned to my recovery room. It was a bittersweet moment, as I longed to have my babies with me for that precious early skin-to-skin contact, but they were whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) immediately after birth. They spent five days there, as their little lungs were not quite ready, and they required round-the-clock monitoring. Despite the separation, I was grateful that they were out and safe, as their well-being was the top priority due to the challenges of IUGR.
During my pregnancy, I dismissed the idea of Postpartum Depression (PPD), believing that I was too strong and happy to be affected by it. We often hear about the wonderful and beautiful aspects of childbirth and don’t often discuss the real challenges that can come with it. I was convinced that PPD wouldn’t touch me. However, on the second day after giving birth, I began to feel overwhelmed and fearful about how I would manage with two babies. That’s when the inconsolable crying episodes started, lasting for hours. I felt like a failure and even had thoughts of suicide. It was an incredibly dark and difficult phase in my life, a time that should have been the most joyous.
What made it even worse was that I was caught completely off guard. If I had been more informed about PPD, I might have been better equipped to deal with it instead of ignoring the signs and suffering in silence.